there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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