All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
one two three fourrrrnication!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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