Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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