if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
