I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
