That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
