You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
