Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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