I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
