This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
