I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
