my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
