i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
