I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
