there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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