Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
