Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
