Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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