Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
