is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
