You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
