I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
