I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize