People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
FUCK WHALES
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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