Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
