Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
