Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize