i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
