You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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