omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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