I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
