Whod you bang
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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