We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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