u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
