I wish I could teleport
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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