I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
