have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
