I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
