he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
