i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Terrible idea I love it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
