I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
