What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
