We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
