She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
