i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
