I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
