it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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