Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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