A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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