Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
