I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
