He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
