i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
