I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
