Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
