Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
