he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
