Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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