I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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