i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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