broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
