What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize