He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
