That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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