Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your penis caused this!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
