East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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